I Gotta Be Me

I Gotta Be Me
by David Stoddard

I've often wondered about what it's like growing up.

Not so much all the trials and tribulations we go through just to add another candle to our cake each year, been there already. But more about becoming a grown up of sorts and figuring out when (if ever) it happens.

I've often wanted to write something about it, but always had too many possibilities to consider. Riding a bike without the training wheels? Being allowed to visit your friend's house on another street alone? Picking something from the grown-up menu for dinner? Having your first car? Getting your license? Getting your first ticket? Going on your first date? Going away to school? Getting an apartment? Getting junk mail addressed to you? Doing your own laundry? Not worrying about the basic food groups?

Later on, it could be more things like when a kid comes up to you and says "Hey, Mister." Or maybe when you have kids of your own? Become a coach of a team? Baby sit for a friend? Think to yourself how young these pro athletes seem to be? The clincher comes when the AARP sends you your first letter of interest in the mail. Guess that sorta makes you a grown up by then.

I've been through most of them (even the training wheels taken off the bike, I was 12). Despite all of that, there are many more times when I still feel like a kid much more than the adult the world at large expects. Looking back, it stems from a lot of thoughts I had growing up as well as a bit of a wish I made when I was 20.

I had always said to myself that I never wanted to grow up. Never wanted to lose that kid inside who thought running through a water sprinkler was fun and the greatest place on Earth was the toy store. (Became a bookstore as I got older). So, following the birthday tradition of wishing and blowing out all the candles ceremony, I made up that wish.

And then Tom Hanks and Penny Marshall go and make a movie out of it ("Big"), wins awards, sets Tom on his way to greatness, and here I am. Oh, sorry…Anyway...

My wish wasn't so much that I would stay 20 forever or that time would just stop, and we would end up in some time-space continuum (although I'd like to go back in time to grade school with what I know now). It was more of a hope of not becoming like a lot of the adults I had seen.

So many, even back then, seemed to have given up on so much. "Life sucks then you die," was the never-ending chant of vitality. At least they seemed enthusiastic about that. They had seemed to believe that work is so important and having any bit of a life of their own was just childish. Life is about working. Fun just happens and should not be expected. You should give your life over to the 9-5 group and obey. Ok, so it wasn't that drastic, but close.

Since then, I've fought the same feelings they had given into. I guess being "the kid" to a lot of the older folks made me still look up to them in ways. It's what you do as a kid. "They are adults, and that makes them older." (José Jiminez - comedian years back).

A few years back, I had given in to them way too often as well. A lot of that kid in me had been lost or misplaced or had been hiding behind a video game someplace. Little did I know he had been sitting in a dark corner of the basement behind a bookshelf at home waiting for me to find him.

Today, the kid inside is fighting his way back. He doesn't believe a lot of what he was taught growing up. Times have changed. Life is so much different today. He doesn't feel the need "suffer" if he doesn't want to. He knows that there are things that have to be done for his own survival, but he doesn't want to fade away either by turning into something he's not.

If nothing else, my own kid inside has taught that there are two parts to all of us.

The kid: Should be allowed to lead the way, to do what is fun and enjoyable, to wonder about everything, and search out new adventures and make the most of it.

The adult: Should keep the kid out of too much trouble, and just go along for the ride.

It's when you can do that, is when you shall be a grown-up, my son.


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(c) David Stoddard
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I Love This Question

I Love This Question
By David Stoddard

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Now there is a question that brings back memories.

It’s probably one of the first “adult” questions we are ever asked. Granted, no one ever held us to our answer whatever it may have been. I think my first was something like “bayble braayit.”

Translation: Baseball player.

Later became cowboy, fireman, doctor, quarterback, ballerina, jockey, play-by-play announcer, and guy who sleeps til noon. Note: There’s not a good future in that last one.

Anyway, it’s a question that sets us in motion to think of the future a bit. It gives us a chance to form a plan. It lets us see what may be on our minds at that time. It gets drinks thrown on us at bars. Guys, rotten pick-up line.

But it is a question we should keep asking ourselves from time to time. Maybe not the exact question, more like: What do you want to be – in the future?

There are those who have their whole lives planned out. Some even have every hour of their lives scheduled in a Palm Pilot of sorts. They know what they want, they know how to get there. And even with such a detailed schedule, they still have time to iron their socks and fold underwear. Martha Stewart would be proud.

Most of us are not quite like that. We may have pictures of what we feel we’d like, but for fear of jinxing things, we don’t look at it for long.

There are also those who may have been in one area for so long, they don’t see themselves doing anything else no matter what the possibilities may be. Related to that are those having too many choices, so they just sit and let whatever happen.

Yeah! That’s pretty much me at times. I pretty much have seen myself as a generalist. Not necessarily because I could do a bit of everything, but because I couldn’t find that one area I did well.

It doesn’t just have to be about jobs. It can be about other parts of our lives. Perhaps we want to be a better parent or be more assertive or less angry.

Maybe we’d like to travel the world or be a photographer or even live in the country in a quiet wood house with a pool table in the living room and a den like Mr. Brady. The same question can cover those things as well.

The future is still going to be here. Just think, today is the future from our days past. We are definitely not the same people we used to be. How can we expect to be the same in the future?

I remember seeing the story about Sesame Street on Biography. It was interesting to see the characters and images from the early days of the show. So much about it has changed over the years while still having the same core, the same street, the same “mission.”
It’s different than it was, but it’s still Sesame Street.

Finally, there’s the other extreme. It’s when we feel there’s nothing left for us. When we feel so trapped in ourselves or our jobs or whatever. When we look around at people in positions we’d have liked to have been. We put them down not so much for because they did something, but perhaps because we didn’t.

If we have those moments when we think the world is against us or feel there is nothing out there, it may very well be because we are just unhappy with our past decisions. We didn’t get off our tails when we could or should have. Maybe we didn’t have the opportunity for one reason or another. If we’re frustrated or upset by our current situations, there must be something inside us which we “wish” we’d rather be doing.

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 (c) David Stoddard - All Rights Reserved

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Ya Gotta Believe

Ya Gotta Believe
By David Stoddard

It all comes down to this. The moment we have been waiting for. It’s time to separate the champs from the also-rans. All the practice and training has brought us to right here and right now. Success is within our grasp. We just have to take it one step at a time. Put everything we have into it and let the chips fall where they may. This is what it’s about.

And I don’t mean the upcoming Super Bowl.

There is truly one defining moment when it comes to who we are and what we can do. And that moment lasts a lifetime.

While it’s true there are other moments when our lives can be changed, such as an encouraging word from a teacher, a gentle yet firm nudge from a friend, or a swift kick in the tail from Dr. Phil, there is one thing that makes us keep going.

The deciding factor is what we believe about ourselves.

None of those people can be with us 24-7. Events that influenced us can not be relived as they happened. It all comes down to our having to do it on our own. So it’s important what we think of ourselves and what we can accomplish.

Or, paraphrasing Henry Ford for a moment, if you believe you are, or if you believe you are not, – you’re right.

Now it won’t just happen overnight. It takes time to change our habits. A lot of our personal characteristics we may not like about ourselves have been acquired over years. We did not all of a sudden become shy, or tired, bossy or nosey or cynical or resentful, or needy or lazy in the blink of an eye.

So it will take a while to change things. The first step is in believing that we can be different. Then, we should act as if we have already become the new person we want to become. We can begin to be more outgoing, do more activities so we are not so lazy and tired, look for the good in things to be less cynical, to take that first step of doing things on our own to be less needy.

Even if you don’t really “believe” 100% that you are something, pretend that you do believe it. What if you believed you were the most outgoing, people person?

What if you believed you didn’t care about everyone else’s business? What if you believed you didn’t get tired every day after work from “living for someone else?”

For myself, if I didn’t believe I was doing anyone any good by what I was writing, I couldn’t do it. If I didn’t believe I would become a columnist at some point in the future, I wouldn’t put myself through some of the frustrations of writer’s block. If I didn’t believe I could get up in front of people making a presentation, I wouldn’t have bought so many books on public speaking.

While it’s easy saying that all you need to do is believe, there is still a lot of work involved. But it will be the daily “acting job” you do on yourself that will bring about the changes in the future. Believing in something will help you push forward when it seems impossible. Seeing the goal (as if you already achieved it) will make it possible.

And if you want an easier way of looking at it… fake it til you make it.

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(c) David Stoddard - All Rights Reserved

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Who Are You Again?

Who Are You Again?
By David Stoddard

It’s funny how something so mundane can change your thinking.

“Congratulations!” the e-mail message read.

Now, that comes to me about each month, and normally I don’t think much about it at all. But, having nothing better to do at the time, I clicked on the message to read it.

“David Stoddard, you have new Riverview Gardens High School classmates. Go to Classmates.com to view them.”

But that wasn’t the part that got my attention.

Reading further, it turns out that they have added several thousand grade schools to their list.

Finally! I thought to myself.

For years I’ve wondered why there were so few grade school reunions. Why was it that high school was the time to get together for? My thinking has always been that I only spent 3 or 4 years with my high school class.

But I spent my growing and learning years with the same group of kids for nearly 8 years during grade school. Those are the folks I got to know. Those are the ones I was interested in. Those are the ones I wanted to make fun of as a bit of revenge from the past. But I digress.

So I went to the site to see who had already beaten me to signing on. When I got to the list, only one person from my class was listed. Charlie.

He was a friend of mine. One of the few I had during those days. He was the left forward of our soccer team, was bright when it came to science and geography, and could serve a mean volleyball. I remember we would play electronic football, only at recess of course, -wink-

As I read what he had written on the list, it was interesting to see how he had changed. He is married, has 2 kids and works in the computer industry. I guess the computer part shouldn’t have been that surprising to me. But then again, when I knew him 20+ years ago, computers were not even a glimmer in the world.

I began to wonder what everyone else was doing. I got out the yearbook and wondered some more. Had Dan gotten into the comedy circuit? Did Kelly become a nurse? Is Paula teaching? Did Steve get taller?

Then, I came across my picture in the yearbook.

Glasses glaring back the flash from the camera. Hair long and curly. Reading what was entered, I thought back to what I was then. A quiet soccer playing alter boy. All around nice guy who would trade you some pencils for almond windmill cookies and an orange juice.

I thought about how much different I am today than I was back then. Sure, some things are still the same. I still bite my nails once in a while, have trouble lacing my shoes and can’t sing for the life of me. But so much is different as well.

Back then, I hated school, but now see how important it is. I didn’t care for English, but I can write halfway well. I was always the shy kid in the corner, but for some reason, want to teach. Wasn’t very technically minded, but have worked with computers and some electronics. Thought people who were 30 were old, but now at 40.. Darn Kids!!!

You don’t have to go back 20 years to see how you’ve changed. It doesn’t take that long at all. Everyone is different than they were 5 years ago, or a year ago, or even a week ago perhaps.

Maybe we are not the people we thought we would become. But we can do something to be more of what we want to be. Perhaps we wish we could be more decisive or more outgoing or less of a workaholic or less cynical of the world and everyone else in our lives.

But it’s gonna take time. And when it does, you can write your own message to yourself saying something good has come your way. And let me get you started..

Congratulations!

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(c) David Stoddard - All Rights Reserved

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What Amusement Park Ride Are You?

What Amusement Park Activity Are You?
By David Stoddard

It was your typical day after a week or so of 92+ degree days. So one could see that it wasn’t exactly something we were dying to go do. But since we had already spent the money on the tickets the day before, we somewhat felt obligated to take the drive to the amusement park with the kids.

There is just something sorta stressful about having to check out a locker, pack things in there, remember the locker number throughout the day, head to the water park, check out another locker, shove more stuff in there, remember the locker number throughout the day, and try not to lose the key.

Oh yeah, and try to keep from getting too bad of a sunburn. But that’s for another time.

To make a long story short, once we got through all of that and could take it easy for a few minutes on the lawn chairs by the wave pool, the day became a whole lot better. We (my girlfriend and I) started to actually enjoy being there.

The day became so much better, we actually began to pay attention to a lot of the smaller things going on around us. The people, the events, the stuff available in the shops, the sites, sounds and who knows what all else was there.

It wasn’t until a few days later when we were looking back on the day that thoughts came to mind. Now I don’t mean to get deep and philosophical, but it just seems to happen from time to time. I started thinking about the connection between what we saw at the park and ourselves.

So alas, a few questions to think about based on those observations.

Are you the kind of person who wishes to ride the rough me up, spray tons of water all over me, jolt me in the dark and drop me in a deep pool where I touch bottom and push myself up? Or are you the gentle flowing lazy river type?

Do you need to get out there and try the newest ride of the season or do you prefer the tried and true things you have done hundreds of times?

For those who like the whole show atmosphere, are you one to be in front, on stage, or behind he scenes making it all happen with as few glitches as possible?

Are you willing to dig out cigarette butts from the rocks, go through people’s bags when they enter the park, push heavy carts of trash up a hill to their final location? Or are you too “good” for that and only work in the “special” areas and cater to special guests?
Are you the kind of person who feels the need to dress up like a super hero? Or can you just dress down and let it all hang out in the water park?

Can you take the heat, or do you prefer the air-conditioned benefits of being somewhere else?

Would you rather dress up in the whole shirt/tie/jacket and nice shoes and work along with similar folks? Or would you rather just hang out with the fun and somewhat loony characters we all come across?

We may very well be content with the day to day activities we find ourselves taking part in. But there are those moments when we wish to do more, take more chances, branch out and do something we might not have done before.

Maybe we are The Boss, but we also care enough of the little things that need to be done as well as the big adventures.

And yes, I suppose one could say we all put on a front or a mask of sorts to hide the real us at times. But the question becomes just how much do we wish to hide?

If you have had a tough time picking out a single activity where you fit, don’t worry. There is no such thing. We are a combination of so much.

For me, at least on that day, I was mostly the lazy river kinda guy fighting to get out of the inner tube once the journey around the river was through. But I was also the roller coaster ridin, bumper car drivin, too much for a burger, fry and a drink payin, classic car sittin, Wii playin guy that day as well.

Finally, when I was at the park that day, I had no intention of writing anything about it so deep and possibly meaningful such as this. But maybe that’s just the point of all of this. We set out to do one thing, and a whole new opportunity comes along.

So tell me, what kind of amusement park activity are you?


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(c) David Stoddard - All Rights Reserved

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Getting It All Done

Getting It All Done
By David Stoddard

“I’ll never be able to get through all of this. Don’t these instructors understand that we have other classes, other homework, other reading to do? Not to mention a life outside of this place?”

Oh, the things one hears working in a university computer lab. I hear it probably two or three times a year. Last night was the first, so it’s a bit ahead of schedule.

Each time I hear it, I’m brought back to my own days in school with instructors whom I thought had no idea that I had other things going on.

There were group projects that had to be scheduled at agreeable times, thousands of pages to be read during those waking hours, the occasional research paper, other writing assignments which seemed to never end, not to mention having a job which was at a set time. Sleep? Yeah. That was pretty optional.

Looking back, it’s important to see that yes, the work got done in time. (Well, almost all of it. Don’t tell anyone I mentioned it). The quality of what was turned in was fairly high in my estimations. The instructors agreed with me most of the time. In the end, each semester was a successful period of time.

Jump ahead to today. There are countless things we all need to do. We may have a job to go to, assignments around the house to take care of, group projects with others such as grocery shopping (it’s a stretch, but others are involved with that), occasional writing assignments involving bills to pay, emails and other letters to friends to send. And yes, sleep… but not as optional these days.

There are things we know must be done today while other things can wait until tomorrow. Some things that need to be done don’t have to be perfect to be successful. And there are some other things we feel we “have” to do just because we have always done them. Are they really necessary?

Today, I see how much work the students seem to have ahead of them each semester and I wonder how in the world they manage to get it all done. But they always seem to.

They seem to understand the differences between what must be done at this moment, what is important to do next, and what can just wait until another time.

I guess the same could hold true for us with our day to day stuff as well. Being able to classify things, prioritize things and put things in proper perspective with regard to what we feel would make us feel “successful,” not perfect, is probably a better way of accomplishing things.

So if you’ll excuse me, I need to get back to my own list of things that still need to be done today. Who knows, maybe sleep might be the best use of my time for the moment.

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(c) David Stoddard - All Rights Reserved

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Everything You Know Is Wrong

Everything You Know Is Wrong
By David Stoddard

What if that was true? What if what we think we know was just the opposite? How different would we be? How different would our circumstances be? Where would we be in the different areas of our lives?

Before you think it’s a crazy notion, understand, we’ve all proven this to be the case more often than we may care to admit.

How many times have we thought to ourselves:

I could never write a book –
until we sat down and did it.

I could never ride a bike -
until one day when we peddled our legs off riding down that hill and hitting a tree

I don’t have the time –
until an emergency came up where we “found” the time.

I’m not a good parent –
until our kids surprised us with a card for no reason.

I could never give a speech –
until that time we won the award for best speaker.

I’ll never learn this computer -
until we see how often we have taught others.

Despite our best efforts to prove ourselves right, we have managed quite often to do things beyond what we believed we could.

For some reason, it gets tougher to fight our vast experience and knowledge as we get older. We have all these years wrapped up in doing something, how in the world can we possibly be different? So we just sit and stay with what we have always “known” and not worry so much about thinking about the possibilities because they seem so remote.

So it’s time to stop helping ourselves to be right all the time. Let’s work on proving ourselves wrong. Change our thoughts of ourselves and things we can’t do. Start seeing ourselves as being able to do these different things and then work on proving ourselves right.

Weird Al Yankovic had a song “Everything You Know Is Wrong.” There is a line in the song that truly stands out and means something deeper than I imagine he was thinking about when he wrote it.

“Black is white, up is down and short is long…. And everything you thought was just so important doesn’t really matter.”

Looking back, we can see the things we thought were just so important to us at a given time, really don’t matter all that much today. As the saying goes, if you could look through all of your files that were marked important from the past year, the only things you would keep would be the paperclips.

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(c) David Stoddard - All Rights Reserved

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Doin It My Way

Doing It My Way
By David Stoddard

I was an outgoing kid.

I’d run to the front door welcoming relatives, friends, neighbors, or perhaps even the mailman whenever they would ring the doorbell. I’d run from person to person, telling them stories of my adventures in the back yard or perhaps ask them questions. Basically, I’d make a pest of myself.

Well, that’s the sort of thing my mom has told me over the years. Personally, I don’t remember too much of that side of me.

The part I do remember is the kid who rarely raised his hand in class, found his own private seat on the bus, liked eating his olive loaf sandwich in the back of the cafeteria, and would spend time in his room playing solitaire or some other game while sitting on the floor. Maybe that is where the writer has come from. Such a solitary life at times.

So, why the change from those days knocking over mom and dad to get to the door to see who had come to see us, to my sitting in my room or in the back of the class watching life go by?

The best answer I have (and least clinical) is that I allowed everyone else’s opinions to be more important than my own. By doing that, I helped to prove that what they thought of me was right. To solidify their ideas, I ended up changing into the person they saw in their minds.

It’s like the saying goes, whatever your picture of another is, they may very well become.

Maybe I felt it was more important to know they liked me instead of my family saying it. After all, at that age, family members are supposed to tell you how much they like you no matter how many times you spill grape juice on their good clothes.

Perhaps, in the minds of the other kids, I missed the transition of it being acceptable to be friends with the teacher and being labeled “teacher’s pet.” Also, I was far from the smartest person in the class. I was in the half that made the upper 80 percent possible.
(get it…Ok, I was better in math than that).

Looking back, I can see how I was changed. Thing was, I didn’t really notice it at the time. So much of what I had become had little to do with anything anyone did or said. I was in control of what was going on with me, but didn’t know enough to think of changing it.

The best thing that happened was time. Growing up helped. Getting older and hopefully wiser was a good thing. Getting out of the unnatural world of classes drastically helped. But what about today? Just because we are older and should know more about ourselves, doesn’t mean we are immune to the thoughts of others.

While being different than we used to be is expected, is the person we are today a result of our own thoughts, or someone else’s?

Maybe we used to be this independent person, and today we let the world walk over us. Maybe we’ve allowed ourselves to end up in positions we never imagined being in. We have gone into jobs because someone “knew” we’d like it. We followed the family business (if we liked it or not) because not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. We continue getting chicken patties for dinner because we may have liked them once.

While it’s important to get opinions on different things from others, we need to remember that they are not us. Throughout our lives, there will be so many people who act as though they know who we are, what we think, how we feel, what we should do and who we should be. (Try not to confuse these people with those who you would like to tell where they should go on a daily basis).

The truth is, so very few people will actually get to know who we are. In addition, there will be even fewer (maybe 1 or 2) who will seem to know us better than we know ourselves. And that is a pretty good thing.

But right now, I better hurry up and wrap this up. I just saw the mail truck drive up the street and I gotta go meet the mail carrier at the door. Ya see, getting through all the past feelings we’ve allowed others to unintentionally place on us can be done.

Just takes work in allowing our own thoughts to have more value than anyone else’s.

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(c) David Stoddard - All Rights Reserved

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Believin Ain't Braggin

Believin Ain’t Braggin
By David Stoddard

I just knew how things would end up. And it was a first for me.

It was the sixth year I had been bowling in our Sunday Night mixed league. Over the past couple of seasons, my name would be on the list of the high average folks, but usually I would be in fifth or sixth place about 10 pins off the average leader.

This time around, I had started the season off alright. It was a tad below my usual average of 190, but still fairly ok for not bowling for the past three months. Historically, I would start out the season bowling out of my head, or bowling as if this were golf and the lower the score, the better. I didn’t plan it that way, but sometimes it just happens.

It was the fifth week of the season and our team had just won all three games that night. I drove home on that warm September evening with the windows down, the wind in my hair, and my mind reaching a conclusion of what was to be.

When I got home, I told my mom and dad that I was going to win the high average title. Mind you, going into that night, I was still down 15 pins in average after 12 previous games. Not to mention I had not even been that close to winning the title over the years.

Long story short, I did win the average title by 9 pins over the second place person (I averaged 201, for those wanting to know). It was pretty much a done deal with still 10 weeks left. (30 games to go out of 105).

I tell this not because I am bragging about something I have done recently. This took place in 1989/1990. I mention this story because it’s about what we can do when we believe.

It’s about knowing, somehow, someway, that you are going to succeed at something. That you are putting in the effort and the time into something that you just know is going to come true.

That season was about winning the average title. It was about being consistent, improving a little bit each week, and about seeing the outcome long before it was in reach.

Yes, there were the occasional “bad” nights where the pins just wouldn’t fall. Where my plans for a given evening didn’t work out as hoped. But it didn’t bother me (too much). I just came back the next week and let it roll.

So how does this story relate to what this column is about? Again, it’s about seeing the outcome you want long before it is in reach.

You may not be able to run a mile at the moment, but you can see yourself doing it in the near future. You may not be able to fit into your jeans at the moment, but you can see yourself slipping into them in the near future. You may not be in the job you want, but you can see yourself moving over into that position in the near future.

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(c) David Stoddard - All Rights Reserved

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Put Some Pep Back Into Your Speaking Style

(Published in Presentations Magazine). Link to the online article

By David Stoddard

Like the guy in the old Dunkin' Donuts commercial who wakes up every morning, gets out of bed and waddles out of the house because he's "gotta make the donuts," presenters can easily slip into that same mode in their careers.

If you are an expert in your field, respected by millions, and called upon by countless others to give presentations, you may have reached a staggering point of contentment. Unfortunately, this kind of success comes with its own dangers. You can lose that spark that ignites an audience, that "oomph" that makes you enthusiastic. You can end up going through the motions instead of being excited about it. In other words, you end up like the donut guy, thinking about how you "gotta make the presentation," rather than how to do it to the best of your ability.

So, what can you do to bring back that passion, the feeling that you love what you are doing and want the whole world to know it? Here are some tips to freshen up the familiar.

Branch out to different fields

So, you're an expert in your field and have given this presentation for years. You know all there is about it. You even constantly make up-to-the-minute changes to the topic and can think of nothing else you would rather share with others. But you're just not as excited as you once were.


Why not tie your topic to another industry? For example, if you have been giving presentations to people in education for years, could this information be modified for trainers? Or clergy? Maybe even coaches, parents or students? Brainstorm as to how you could recreate your presentation for new audiences.

Search out new topics

Many fields of expertise are interconnected in some way, and the addition of related topics to present may be just the boost you need. It may be the most cliché answer, but it's probably the easiest to move forward with. By adding a variety of related topics to your speaking collection, you can reach different audiences, different venues and provide different information.

If you are into banking presentations, then by all means look for other topics and angles that have to do with banking, money or finance, such as presenting about personal finance at a community level, or creating a beginning investment seminar for a company's 401(k) rollout. Or, if you are into motivational speaking, seek out different ways of looking at what motivates people or what they need at home or work.

Change your presentation persona

Your topics are wonderful and people in your field love you. But you desire a change because you are boring yourself from time to time. Perhaps a change in your persona is in order.

This does not mean drastic changes, such as putting on a clown wig and floppy shoes to give a presentation on health care. Rather, consider subtle changes. Start slower, add humor to your presentations where appropriate and find a "character" you can play for certain presentations. Experiment with new Q&A techniques. Branching out beyond the routine can be frightening, but it's very exciting. It may take a bit of time to decide what is right for you and your audience, but the rewards could be fruitful.

Mingle with colleagues

While speaking is definitely a people profession, it can be a rather lonely one as well. Most presentations are written and created alone. A lot of practice is done alone. Building your speaking career doesn't need to be a solo effort,though.

Find other presenters in your area and get to know them. Attend conferences, local Toastmasters meetings and go to where other presentations are given. Talk to those who have been speaking, even if it is just a small gathering of 10 people. There is something to be learned from everyone you come in contact with.

Finally, remember why

Why did you get into your field or industry in the first place? Why do you enjoy speaking about it? What is it about this topic that is important for you to share with others? What would you do differently if you were not doing this? Where do you see yourself down the road?

There will be times when a little lull in your career can turn into a rut. It's during those times when you need to pull yourself up and find out what needs to be done to change it.

Maybe all you need is a change of scenery, different topics, different angles, different routines or just a different perspective. Once you do that, chances are the pep in your presentation will return, and your audiences will continue to be wowed by your enthusiasm.

Back To School

Back To School
By David Stoddard

At last, finally, hooray summer is almost over. The kids are heading back to school, and you can have the house to yourself (at least for a few hours during the day). Then at night, while the kids are doing homework, you get to sit back and see who becomes the next “Big Brother” champ.

Ok, I know it’s the 8th one that is going on now, and yes, I had lost interest in it after the third time around. But hey, what else is there to watch that isn’t reality television at its finest? But I digress.

This time of year, especially the shopping for school supplies, was always fun for me. There was just something about those pen/pencil erasers, the binders with the different color folders, the zippered pencil holders and those pencil sharpeners that look like tiny snow globes were joys to behold.

Even back then, after shaking off the jolt having to get up early in the morning again, school was actually fairly fun (at least for the first week or two).

But something happens as we get older and get away from the classroom scene. We slow down our interest in learning. Sometimes, it even comes to a halt for a while.

It’s not so much that we avoid it on purpose, it just doesn’t become a priority. As “adults,” we have other things to do that take over our lives. Jobs, domestic chores, yard work, household projects, getting the car ready for the winter or summer seasons, taking kids to soccer, piano or ballet lessons and so much more demands our attention.

While having so much to do does give us a sense of accomplishment, something must be said about always learning.

It’s been said when you stop learning, you start dying. When you stop working toward something, you begin to slip into a state of contentment. And if you stay there long enough, you start to lose interest in so much more.

While I’ll admit that may be a little bit over the top for many, the feelings of learning something new (especially when it is something you choose to learn) can only make you feel better, more alive.

My advice (which I hope to follow myself this season) is to take a class in something. Sit in that desk, tell the class who you are, why you are there, what you have been and what you hope to accomplish by taking the course.

And for those who have kids of their own who are “suffering” through another year (188 days or so) of reading, writing, arithmetic and recess, maybe you will be lucky by being a part of their homework assignments.

It’ll give you something to do, something to work towards, something to complain to the teacher about when you get so much homework from different courses that there just is “no way” you could be expected to get it all done in time.

Hey! It could be worse. You could be on national television, making friends and enemies with a houseful of strangers all trying to stab each other in the back in hopes of showing the world what a great all around person you are.


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(c) David Stoddard - All Rights Reserved
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Hey Me! Get Outta My Way

(Published at Healthy Wealthy n Wise) Link to online article

by David Stoddard

How often it is we give up wanting to do something even before we give ourselves an honest chance of succeeding.

Perhaps, we begin writing our autobiography. We get the table of contents and the introduction written, then we let it sit because we don't think anyone will care.

We begin a diet over a weekend. Within a couple of days, we are back to our normal habits because we didn't see any immediate results.

Maybe we want to start a desktop publishing business. We get it started and the clients start coming in sooner than we expected. Because of our past experiences where we have been so good at what we did, we only remember getting bombarded with more and more work when we wish we could have taken a break. We may see how this can end up, so we slack off and let the business of our dreams fade away.

Or maybe we have this idea of having our own place on the Internet. We create a page, then we have different ideas to put on it. Then we think of starting a business with it.

Then we also want to have a newsletter for people. Then we want to do web pages for others. Then we go back and work on ways to get people to read our newsletter. But we need a better web site. So we start from scratch and the circle continues. Having too many things we would like to do can stop us as well.

Personally, I've become an expert at getting out of my own way when it comes to doing things. After all, I have gotten in my own way over and over and over again for years.

I still fit the last one. So many different areas that interest me, I have jumped from one thing to another to another. Like many of the books on the bookshelf at home, I don't think I have ever finished one of them all the way through.

We stop ourselves in any number of ways.

- I'm not good enough: Well, on Monday, a group of students will be given a lecture by the worst teacher. The worst actor will star in a made-for-television movie. And the worst boy band will put on a mini show for friends and family in their garage.

- No one will be interested: Just look around at some of the things you see on television or read in newspapers or books or magazines. It is amazing some things have lasted this long.

- I'm too old/young: Colonel Sanders was in his eighties when he began his Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant. Anne Frank was a young girl when she wrote her diary, which is still published and read to this very day throughout the world.

- I don't know what I want to do: You may not know exactly what you want to do, but there is something in the back of your mind that is important. Especially if you know you're not happy in what you are doing now, you know there is more you want out of life.

- I want to do too much: No one says you can't do a little of everything. Just have to pick one that will set the groundwork for the others. Find what is the common thread in the things you would like, and start there. You can branch off once that foundation is in place.

- The universe is out to get me: Ummmmm. Not at all. Once you make up your mind and begin heading in some direction, the universe will open up in ways you can't see right now. People will come into your life, events will take place, and you will begin to see a bit further each day. But you have to make the first moves.

Motivational speaker Les Brown in his book "It's Not Over Until You Win," tells a story of a keynote speaker at a National Speakers Association conference he attended. The speaker was perhaps the worst speaker Les had ever heard. The man spoke in a monotone voice and was dull as a butter knife. By the end of his presentation, more than two-thirds of the audience had walked out.

The speaker, noticing this said something that pretty much sums up what it takes.

"The reason I am up here (Doing) and you are sitting down there (watching) is because I represent the thoughts you have rejected for yourself."

Give yourself a chance and get out of your own way. 



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(c) David Stoddard
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A Cookie Well Deserved

A Cookie Well Deserved
By David Stoddard

Many would call sitting in a room at a table with 60 others in the area, watching the clock for your turn to talk, waiting for the unknown to arrive and pat you on the back and give you a cookie, a waste of a day.

Actually, I decided to get up and get my own cookie from one of the vendors. After 6 hours, I learned it wasn’t just going to hop off the plate and come to me by itself.

My main reason for being there was to give a presentation on the personal side of working from home. That tied in well with the conference theme, as well as with the motivational end of what I hoped to continue to do.

I’m glad my friend Terry agreed to take part in the conference with me. We believed that if nothing else, it would be a bit of exposure for the two of us. And the presentations we were giving would certainly mean something to those in attendance. At least that was our main thought at breakfast.

To make a long story short, 270 people attended the event. There were about 50 vendors set up in the main room. We had maybe 20 people visit our table, 10 who filled out entries for the drawings we had, and a grand total of three attended our presentations throughout the entire day.

Needless to say, that part was pretty depressing. But I should mention that my presentations had twice as many attendees as any of the other presentations. I had 2 people come to see me. (Oooooh!)

On the other hand, I think of it this way. Just maybe my advice or suggestions during the presentation got the two of them started in a whole new direction. Maybe they discovered new working opportunities they might not have previously thought of. Maybe one is writing an article about the conference right now and sending it out to a newspaper.

The person in Terry’s audience bought one of his e-book CDs. It turned out to be the only sale Terry made that day. But it meant something to him. That one sale gave him the push to keep going, to keep striving, and has kept him believing in what the two of us talked about earlier in the year with this being the year we get things moving forward, could truly happen.

You see, for years the two of us had been doing a lot of talking and thinking of doing different things. Eventually we got deeper into it. We began to actually plan things. We planned to think about thinking about what we could do or become. Still, we never quite got to the point of getting off the ground.

When we met for breakfast earlier in the year, we talked about a lot of things. We made the decision that this was going to be the year. We knew we could not just keep waiting for the perfect moment, or for the planets to align, or for that winning $220 million lottery ticket to be drawn.

Little did we know, that one decision, along with a lot of little things we had done, would bring us to playing a central role in a conference.

As mentioned, things did not work out as well as we had hoped. But in the end, we got out there and did something different. So what if it seemed “out of character” for either of us? We made the commitment not only with the conference organizer, but with each other and ourselves. We learned a lot of different things, not only about the conference or what it takes to get prepared for one, but also about ourselves.

We learned that you have to take chances at times. We learned that just because things don’t work out as you may have hoped, it isn’t fatal. We learned that saying things like “But there is so much to do, why even bother,” is just an excuse. We learned when you make the effort, no matter how small, great things can begin to happen. And we learned that we can do more than we ever thought in the past.

And for that, I think we deserve a cookie.

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(c) David Stoddard - All Rights Reserved
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Get Out, Get Noticed, Get A Life

(Published at Healthy, Wealthy n Wise) Link to online article.

by David Stoddard

"If you build it, they will come."  
- the voice in "Field Of Dreams"


Works well in the movies, but in real life, it just doesn't quite work out that way.

Business owners know it. They understand that once they build their shop, they need to advertise, tell all their friends, give out free stuff, go door to door with mailers, stick more of them on car windshields in parking lots, and even make crummy commercials on late night television just to get the word out.

Job seekers know it. They understand that when they want a change or need a new job, they need to advertise, tell all their friends send out samples of their work, write up the dreaded resume and cover letter to each possible HR department and even volunteer as an intern in hopes of getting a "real job" once that time is over.

But forget about our professional lives, what about our lives at home?

We sit at home at times wishing for someone to come on by and offer us a life of our dreams. When the doorbell rings, too often it has been someone coming by only for our vote or for us to give them a dollar to help their school.

Because it has been of no real benefit to us in the past, we sometimes stop rushing to the door every time it rings (or when opportunity knocks). In a related way, maybe we are so wrapped up in our life rut that we just don't have the energy (physical, but mainly mental) to do anything about it.

'Ya see, I would do more, but Survivor is on tonight. It is supposed to have the immunity challenge to end all immunity challenges. So, ya see, I have to watch for that. Then comes the tribal counsel, then someone leaves, then it is time for something else to watch.'

Truth be told, our happiness in our personal lives works somewhat the same as for a business or when looking for a job. We must create the image in our minds that we are capable of being more than we are. We must know what it is we want out of whatever it is we do. We must build ourselves up by doing something. We must look around for opportunities and at least get a bit of information from them.

Then, here is the advertising part, we need to get out there and make ourselves known. Be it through a letter or a phone call or a trip to visit, we have to make the first real contact. We need to know what we have to offer and what is in it for us. And we don't have to stay in any one thing forever. We can get out and try different things.

Even us shy introverted folks can use the Internet to get in touch with others who have similar interests. Can join local message groups and get to know people. Just don't make sitting at the computer "chatting" with people your whole life unless it is really leading you to something you want to do in the "real" world.

The idea is to get out there, so you can get noticed so you can get a (better) life. The hardest part is the first step. Actually, its thinking of all the possibilities and having to narrow them down. Then comes the actual decision of what to do first.

Just get out there, do something for yourself for a change. Once you're on your way towards something you enjoy, so many things will begin to open up. People will come into your life whom you would have never met otherwise. You'll get to see new places in which you may have wanted to go to for years, but never took the time. There will be different activities to be involved with which may have only been a wish to do.


Take the chance. Make the time. Get out there. Get noticed. And get a life you enjoy.

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(c) David Stoddard
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