Doin It My Way

Doing It My Way
By David Stoddard

I was an outgoing kid.

I’d run to the front door welcoming relatives, friends, neighbors, or perhaps even the mailman whenever they would ring the doorbell. I’d run from person to person, telling them stories of my adventures in the back yard or perhaps ask them questions. Basically, I’d make a pest of myself.

Well, that’s the sort of thing my mom has told me over the years. Personally, I don’t remember too much of that side of me.

The part I do remember is the kid who rarely raised his hand in class, found his own private seat on the bus, liked eating his olive loaf sandwich in the back of the cafeteria, and would spend time in his room playing solitaire or some other game while sitting on the floor. Maybe that is where the writer has come from. Such a solitary life at times.

So, why the change from those days knocking over mom and dad to get to the door to see who had come to see us, to my sitting in my room or in the back of the class watching life go by?

The best answer I have (and least clinical) is that I allowed everyone else’s opinions to be more important than my own. By doing that, I helped to prove that what they thought of me was right. To solidify their ideas, I ended up changing into the person they saw in their minds.

It’s like the saying goes, whatever your picture of another is, they may very well become.

Maybe I felt it was more important to know they liked me instead of my family saying it. After all, at that age, family members are supposed to tell you how much they like you no matter how many times you spill grape juice on their good clothes.

Perhaps, in the minds of the other kids, I missed the transition of it being acceptable to be friends with the teacher and being labeled “teacher’s pet.” Also, I was far from the smartest person in the class. I was in the half that made the upper 80 percent possible.
(get it…Ok, I was better in math than that).

Looking back, I can see how I was changed. Thing was, I didn’t really notice it at the time. So much of what I had become had little to do with anything anyone did or said. I was in control of what was going on with me, but didn’t know enough to think of changing it.

The best thing that happened was time. Growing up helped. Getting older and hopefully wiser was a good thing. Getting out of the unnatural world of classes drastically helped. But what about today? Just because we are older and should know more about ourselves, doesn’t mean we are immune to the thoughts of others.

While being different than we used to be is expected, is the person we are today a result of our own thoughts, or someone else’s?

Maybe we used to be this independent person, and today we let the world walk over us. Maybe we’ve allowed ourselves to end up in positions we never imagined being in. We have gone into jobs because someone “knew” we’d like it. We followed the family business (if we liked it or not) because not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings. We continue getting chicken patties for dinner because we may have liked them once.

While it’s important to get opinions on different things from others, we need to remember that they are not us. Throughout our lives, there will be so many people who act as though they know who we are, what we think, how we feel, what we should do and who we should be. (Try not to confuse these people with those who you would like to tell where they should go on a daily basis).

The truth is, so very few people will actually get to know who we are. In addition, there will be even fewer (maybe 1 or 2) who will seem to know us better than we know ourselves. And that is a pretty good thing.

But right now, I better hurry up and wrap this up. I just saw the mail truck drive up the street and I gotta go meet the mail carrier at the door. Ya see, getting through all the past feelings we’ve allowed others to unintentionally place on us can be done.

Just takes work in allowing our own thoughts to have more value than anyone else’s.

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(c) David Stoddard - All Rights Reserved

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